emotion. struggle. resignation.

the song in the previous post was posted due to me being emo and not having time to express it. so i just jotted down 'em lyrics real quick and went on with work.

i was feeling down - still am - over a few things in life that i had no control over. that i am forced to accept and be resigned to. and right then the song was sufficient.

god's grace is enough. for me. it is definitely more than sufficient.

and unless my god says otherwise. i will believe and have faith in what he's said to me before.

i will wait on him. no matter how hopeless circumstances seem.

would you draw near again, god. and in your presence renew me.

i will fall on my knees at your feet.

i will fall on my knees in worship.

and worship you with all i am, here.

i am restored and i am redeemed.

my response;

i will fall at your feet and worship you.

and for awhile that was enough.

im an emotional wreck now though. why.

i really can't put my finger on what triggered it. i may have a vague sense.

but its nothing i have control over. so why am i so upset?

if i knew i wouldn't be doing this now no? being emo and blogging about it.

i remember what denzil used to tell me back when we were best friends in sec school...

"life cannot always be how you want it sherman"

i hated it when he said that.

maybe cause he was right. maybe cause i didn't want to agree with him but he was right.

life is going great for me, gerald says. and i think about it and i cannot help but agree!

just last week i was telling my lifegroup and people on the worship team that it's been blessing after blessing for me ever since i started school in may.

in no particular order:

my uncle sponsored a macbook pro out of the blue,

i scored reasonably well for my special semester;

 A- for media writing, B for philo and B+ for geog.

i got to be the best freshie for arts camp!

took part in arts rag and we won best float!

michelle felt i was good enough to be an ogl for oweek!

- and i was blessed with friends and seniors who helped hold the fort when i was ragging and mugging for exams!

i made heaps of friends in the process...

i made a friend i could trust with my life; kristen.

my mom queued for three hours and spent a bomb to get me an iphone.

i was blessed with the opportunity to stay on campus and not travel so far.

i could take on a slightly lighter workload this sem cause i did special sem.

my parents silently and supportively provide for my school, hostel and living expenses.

i got into dance blast and am in nus stage.

i lost my watch and was blessed with a new one!

i am really really blessed! out of my socks blessed! by why am i upset still?

why am i not satisfied?

is it cause i desire someone to share it all with?

at the risk of sounding freaking ungrateful,

maybe to me, it matters not that i have all this, because there isn't anyone to experience all of it with.

do not get me wrong. i am amazed by all the good things i've been given.

i need to stop fighting and just accept it. resignation.