the walkathon and arts open: my long weekend.

people look forward to their long weekends for the very fact that they can relax and take time off their busy schedules to just, chill.

my long weekend wasn't anything like that. heh.

mom's birthday was on thursday and i rushed home to try to surprise her. wasn't much of a surprise in the end but what the heck! haha. she'll probably never know of this blog, but i love you mom.

arts open was on saturday the 25th of october. i was in the ocomm for the sports event.  but my programme, dodgeball, got cancelled! i ended up helping shuli for captain's ball. which was heaps fun. i got really frustrated at times cause teams were stressing me out and stuff, but refereeing was super duper cool! and i got super dark, again! haha like i tell some of my friends i have indian feet! whee. all that without sleeping on friday night. it was the first time i went on the whole of about 48 hours without sleep. insane. by the the end of arts open i was walking dead. i have no idea what got me back to my room (thanks for the lift shuli!), got me to shower and then leave to go to church. haha. crazy.

a shout out to ivan (pee dee), carmelita, shuli, alson (programmers whoo!) and the rest of the ocomm! awesome job! and to the teams that were so sporting and supportive, thank you.

after practice at church i finally got to go back and slept in till sunday! did the runsheet for the walkathon, cleaned my room and did laundry, i went to watch high school musical 3! it was good. definitely worth the ten bucks in my opinion.

walkathon on monday was just as awesome. i got really stressed out trying to get people, organise them and stuff. but i thank everyone for their support, initiative and help.

to my marshals jared, aunty lily, dawn tan, audrey yap, nerissa, nadine, natalie, andy woo, josiah. thank you thank you. i know i wasn't the most organised in trying to put things together, but thank you for being so awesome. i know god was smiling. (= thanks guys.

that pretty much sums up my weekend.

angry angry.

i've been very angry recently. and i'm not sure why.

i'm angry with the world, angry with my "friends", angry with strangers who i don't even know!

what is this? grr!

sometimes it's cause they're inefficient or ineffective or stupid. or ALL THREE!

or maybe it's just cause the problem's with me.

rhordan taught before,

that when you're angry with someone or something, it's because you feel that someone or something OWES you.

so here goes. no one owes me anything.

my friends don't owe me the privilege of being understanding and accomodating.

strangers don't owe it to me to be courteous, kind and understanding.

the world doesn't owe me a good life.

GOD doesn't owe me a good life.

gerald doesn't owe it to me to be there for me all the time.

kristen doesn't owe it to me to be the best friend that doesn't rub me the wrong way.

in fact.

i owe god. for everything.

i owe kristen. sometimes maybe she feels like she's just giving and not receiving. that, i might well be guilty of.

i owe gerald. well i don't owe him anything. but he doesn't owe me anything either.

yup. there's that.

i think i shouldn't be angry after this.

i shouldn't i think.

oh well.

it appears to be...

am i on my own?

its another one of those times.

one of those moments which bombard you with so much emotion.

so much that you cannot comprehend what's going on,

and you're forced to sit down and think through what's going on in your life.

yea its happening to me now.

i realise all i blog about is emo stuff.

so pardon me if i bore you with all this nonsense.

cause my life, if you know me, is an open book.

i'm a loose canon if you would have it,

telling everyone and anyone

who will listen;

about what's going on in life.

heh i even think my life is defined by the friends i spend my time with.

back to the matter

i lost my iphone a week ago.

and.

why can't people just be more understanding and just, nicer?

1) your random pedestrian on a singapore street is probably inconsiderate, walks slow (i would like to punch slow walking people at the back of the head - have you joined that facebook group?), knocks into you, pushes past you or something. without batting an eyelid. cause they're not courteous enough. these people are the reason why singapore is not a first world country - because we're a country with first class facilities but third class citizens.

2) everyone around me seems to want a piece of me. i'm too busy. too busy to even take a break and go to the gym. i'm going out of shape. and people are extremely mean, people are demanding. CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I DO NOT JUST DO WORK FOR YOU?!?! nus stage people are so demanding - when they in their own work, don't deliver. aunty lily pissed me off i replied in kind. and some people just find me too busy to hang around.

i'm too busy.

too busy perhaps to even hang out with some of my friends.

i'm supposed to meet nuha for lunch, 

marcus c. for coffee,

supposed to have lunch with joanne and sabng.

ben and i are supposed to meet up,

and i haven't hung out for gerald for more than 5 minutes in the past what, 2-3 weeks? of course he's different. he's got a special someone to spend time with.

i cancelled on dinner with kristen last monday, probably have to again this week.

i don't know what to do.

on a brighter note, i had a gig at ngee ann today with the church guys.

which went really well.

i'm quite pleased with that.

and i bumped into marcus c. too so it ain't all to bad.

now back to the books.

no time to lose.

i feel like a tightly strung piece of wire.

that recoils and cuts just anyone around me.

sigh.