the walkathon and arts open: my long weekend.

people look forward to their long weekends for the very fact that they can relax and take time off their busy schedules to just, chill.

my long weekend wasn't anything like that. heh.

mom's birthday was on thursday and i rushed home to try to surprise her. wasn't much of a surprise in the end but what the heck! haha. she'll probably never know of this blog, but i love you mom.

arts open was on saturday the 25th of october. i was in the ocomm for the sports event.  but my programme, dodgeball, got cancelled! i ended up helping shuli for captain's ball. which was heaps fun. i got really frustrated at times cause teams were stressing me out and stuff, but refereeing was super duper cool! and i got super dark, again! haha like i tell some of my friends i have indian feet! whee. all that without sleeping on friday night. it was the first time i went on the whole of about 48 hours without sleep. insane. by the the end of arts open i was walking dead. i have no idea what got me back to my room (thanks for the lift shuli!), got me to shower and then leave to go to church. haha. crazy.

a shout out to ivan (pee dee), carmelita, shuli, alson (programmers whoo!) and the rest of the ocomm! awesome job! and to the teams that were so sporting and supportive, thank you.

after practice at church i finally got to go back and slept in till sunday! did the runsheet for the walkathon, cleaned my room and did laundry, i went to watch high school musical 3! it was good. definitely worth the ten bucks in my opinion.

walkathon on monday was just as awesome. i got really stressed out trying to get people, organise them and stuff. but i thank everyone for their support, initiative and help.

to my marshals jared, aunty lily, dawn tan, audrey yap, nerissa, nadine, natalie, andy woo, josiah. thank you thank you. i know i wasn't the most organised in trying to put things together, but thank you for being so awesome. i know god was smiling. (= thanks guys.

that pretty much sums up my weekend.

angry angry.

i've been very angry recently. and i'm not sure why.

i'm angry with the world, angry with my "friends", angry with strangers who i don't even know!

what is this? grr!

sometimes it's cause they're inefficient or ineffective or stupid. or ALL THREE!

or maybe it's just cause the problem's with me.

rhordan taught before,

that when you're angry with someone or something, it's because you feel that someone or something OWES you.

so here goes. no one owes me anything.

my friends don't owe me the privilege of being understanding and accomodating.

strangers don't owe it to me to be courteous, kind and understanding.

the world doesn't owe me a good life.

GOD doesn't owe me a good life.

gerald doesn't owe it to me to be there for me all the time.

kristen doesn't owe it to me to be the best friend that doesn't rub me the wrong way.

in fact.

i owe god. for everything.

i owe kristen. sometimes maybe she feels like she's just giving and not receiving. that, i might well be guilty of.

i owe gerald. well i don't owe him anything. but he doesn't owe me anything either.

yup. there's that.

i think i shouldn't be angry after this.

i shouldn't i think.

oh well.

it appears to be...

am i on my own?

its another one of those times.

one of those moments which bombard you with so much emotion.

so much that you cannot comprehend what's going on,

and you're forced to sit down and think through what's going on in your life.

yea its happening to me now.

i realise all i blog about is emo stuff.

so pardon me if i bore you with all this nonsense.

cause my life, if you know me, is an open book.

i'm a loose canon if you would have it,

telling everyone and anyone

who will listen;

about what's going on in life.

heh i even think my life is defined by the friends i spend my time with.

back to the matter

i lost my iphone a week ago.

and.

why can't people just be more understanding and just, nicer?

1) your random pedestrian on a singapore street is probably inconsiderate, walks slow (i would like to punch slow walking people at the back of the head - have you joined that facebook group?), knocks into you, pushes past you or something. without batting an eyelid. cause they're not courteous enough. these people are the reason why singapore is not a first world country - because we're a country with first class facilities but third class citizens.

2) everyone around me seems to want a piece of me. i'm too busy. too busy to even take a break and go to the gym. i'm going out of shape. and people are extremely mean, people are demanding. CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I DO NOT JUST DO WORK FOR YOU?!?! nus stage people are so demanding - when they in their own work, don't deliver. aunty lily pissed me off i replied in kind. and some people just find me too busy to hang around.

i'm too busy.

too busy perhaps to even hang out with some of my friends.

i'm supposed to meet nuha for lunch, 

marcus c. for coffee,

supposed to have lunch with joanne and sabng.

ben and i are supposed to meet up,

and i haven't hung out for gerald for more than 5 minutes in the past what, 2-3 weeks? of course he's different. he's got a special someone to spend time with.

i cancelled on dinner with kristen last monday, probably have to again this week.

i don't know what to do.

on a brighter note, i had a gig at ngee ann today with the church guys.

which went really well.

i'm quite pleased with that.

and i bumped into marcus c. too so it ain't all to bad.

now back to the books.

no time to lose.

i feel like a tightly strung piece of wire.

that recoils and cuts just anyone around me.

sigh.

emotion. struggle. resignation.

the song in the previous post was posted due to me being emo and not having time to express it. so i just jotted down 'em lyrics real quick and went on with work.

i was feeling down - still am - over a few things in life that i had no control over. that i am forced to accept and be resigned to. and right then the song was sufficient.

god's grace is enough. for me. it is definitely more than sufficient.

and unless my god says otherwise. i will believe and have faith in what he's said to me before.

i will wait on him. no matter how hopeless circumstances seem.

would you draw near again, god. and in your presence renew me.

i will fall on my knees at your feet.

i will fall on my knees in worship.

and worship you with all i am, here.

i am restored and i am redeemed.

my response;

i will fall at your feet and worship you.

and for awhile that was enough.

im an emotional wreck now though. why.

i really can't put my finger on what triggered it. i may have a vague sense.

but its nothing i have control over. so why am i so upset?

if i knew i wouldn't be doing this now no? being emo and blogging about it.

i remember what denzil used to tell me back when we were best friends in sec school...

"life cannot always be how you want it sherman"

i hated it when he said that.

maybe cause he was right. maybe cause i didn't want to agree with him but he was right.

life is going great for me, gerald says. and i think about it and i cannot help but agree!

just last week i was telling my lifegroup and people on the worship team that it's been blessing after blessing for me ever since i started school in may.

in no particular order:

my uncle sponsored a macbook pro out of the blue,

i scored reasonably well for my special semester;

 A- for media writing, B for philo and B+ for geog.

i got to be the best freshie for arts camp!

took part in arts rag and we won best float!

michelle felt i was good enough to be an ogl for oweek!

- and i was blessed with friends and seniors who helped hold the fort when i was ragging and mugging for exams!

i made heaps of friends in the process...

i made a friend i could trust with my life; kristen.

my mom queued for three hours and spent a bomb to get me an iphone.

i was blessed with the opportunity to stay on campus and not travel so far.

i could take on a slightly lighter workload this sem cause i did special sem.

my parents silently and supportively provide for my school, hostel and living expenses.

i got into dance blast and am in nus stage.

i lost my watch and was blessed with a new one!

i am really really blessed! out of my socks blessed! by why am i upset still?

why am i not satisfied?

is it cause i desire someone to share it all with?

at the risk of sounding freaking ungrateful,

maybe to me, it matters not that i have all this, because there isn't anyone to experience all of it with.

do not get me wrong. i am amazed by all the good things i've been given.

i need to stop fighting and just accept it. resignation.

this is our god

Your grace is enough

More than I need

By Your word I will believe

I wait for You

Draw near again

Let Your Spirit make me new

I will fall at Your feet

I will fall at Your feet

And I will worship You here

Your presence in me

Jesus light the way

By the power of Your word

I am restored

I am redeemed

By Your Spirit I am free

I will fall at Your feet

I will fall at Your feet

And I will worship You here

Freely You gave it all for us

Surrender Your life upon that cross

Great is the love poured out for all

This is our God

Lifted on high from dead to life

Forever our God is glorified

Servant and King

Rescued the world

This is our God

-Hillsong Music Australia, This is Our God (2008)

schooool...

haha i was just looking at the blog entries so far, july (15). august? only a pathetic (2). so sad! that needs to change! heh. anyways. its the third week of school and im behind in readings already!!! speaking of readings, wah i think i'm dropping pl2131. the level two psych stats module... no point mugging so hard for it, if i'm not gonna major in psych in the end!!

i dont want to sound too egocentric or something along those lines, but i really like walking along the arts corridors and saying hi to like about 4 people. its super fun! like. ya! just makes me feel really nice. haha.

my clustermates and i just cleaned our kitchen! the smell of the fridge is like WHOA. seriously. its so much cleaner now. i dont get how i could've survived drinking directly from my milk carton after its been there. none the matter, its good now. (=

i love my parents. they got me and my sister an iphone!!! i'm really happy. still over the moon! my mom especially. i dont know what i'd do without her. she's amazing. she queued up for three hours at singtel! and it cost a bomb )= but its worth it. i really wanted it ever since i ord-ed. just that it wasn't available in singapore.

really really glad i bumped into nuha at the central library yesterday. haha. i was just coming out of the toilet and found that girl really familiar! heh. she's looking so good! (=

and i got into dance blast!!! whee.

anyways... i think there's more to blog about, but i gotta go read! readings have taken over my life!!!

the shroom has been reading ALOT